Words of Wit or Wisdom -- Where to Retire?

You can live in Phoenix, AZ, where . . .

(sometimes pronounced PaHoeNix -- o.k. once)

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your behind from the hot water in the toilet.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?!?!

You can live in California where . . .

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far away something is, you tell them how long it will take for them to get there instead of how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, Drought.

You can live in New York City where . . .

1. You can say "the city" and expect everyone to know it means Manhattan.

2. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You think being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn.

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Minnesota where . . .

1. You only have 4 spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for Moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than 8 buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the Deep South where . . .

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "y'all" is singular and "all, y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where . . .

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You can live in the Midwest where . . .

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say "It was different!"

AND you can live in Florida where . . .

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Cast your vote . . .